Perception is everything.
We hear it time and time again. But I want to direct this specifically towards our childhood for the time being.
At some point or another, we’ve all had to work with our inner child. Our subconscious mind is like a sponge and starts to develop between the ages of 0-7, so before we even get to our own experiences in the world, we’re picking up programming from our environment and caretakers, whether that’s our parents, siblings, grandparents, or any other guardians. And then we begin pre-school and elementary school where we’re dealing with our peers and we begin to experience issues around our worth, new fears, and ideas about who we are vs who we’re supposed to be. And many times, all of those things turn into patterns that manifest into adulthood, into our relationships, romantic partnerships, and career.
As human beings, we have this tendency to focus on lack and on “what could be better.” This was certainly the case for me. I’ve spoken in previous posts that I experienced bullying for many years throughout my childhood and teenage years, I had many fears around using my voice and enforcing clear, healthy boundaries, all of which led to chronic dis-ease in my physical body, patterns of people pleasing, one-sided relationships, and and overall resentment towards life. And I would ruminate on all of the negative experiences later on instead of remembering all of the goodness that I also experienced, which was plentiful! I had a very close-knit loving family who to this day makes me laugh harder than anyone else and supports all of my endeavors, we vacationed to amazing places often, I had the coolest swing set on the block and always felt great playing outside by myself or with my friends in the neighborhood, and any toy I wanted I usually got! My point in sharing that bit was to drive home the point that my parents always made sure I was happy and nurtured, always keeping clothes on my back and food on the table. I had been bypassing all of the good by focusing on this constant need to pity myself and heal from the “bad.”
And let me please say that I know this is not the case for everyone! There are people who have suffered much worse forms of trauma, abuse, and physical harm. This conversation is separate from what I am currently sharing.
So the other night I got an intuitive hit while reminiscing on my past. I needed to make a list of all of those happy, positive experiences from my childhood and really give gratitude for each one. It felt so good to start ruminating on all the joyful moments, some of which I had forgotten about! It was like my subconscious was opening up while I was doing this exercise and focusing on the good, reminding me of more and more to feel grateful for! And my friends, you can do this right now when you need an instant mood or vibe shift! For deeper healing, do what I did and put your awareness on your childhood, or let’s say something triggers or annoys you in your day and you begin to spiral, you can shift your perspective and ask yourself, “Was it really a bad week or just a bad 5 minutes?”
By all means, and please do this, feel your feelings as they come up, but remember that you don’t have to stay there if it’s an emotion that doesn’t feel good! I’ve always loved that quote, “Staying angry is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” We also all know someone who always has something to complain about, like the Ross Gellar syndrome as I’ve started calling it. Always walking into a room with their shoulders hunched over, always speaking about how shitty of a day they’re having. That person also used to be me. And the difference between empowering ourselves vs. playing the victim is in our decision to share what’s troubling us but also looking for a creative solution!
And the thing is, it’s up to us to be open for that solution. We have to be willing to want different for ourselves and taking action on that! And how those answers come through will be different for each of us. Some days it might take meditation and inner reflection through sitting quietly, hitting your yoga mat or going for a run, turning on the TV or radio and hearing that perfect message like it was intended for us (many of our guides and higher selves will speak through these modalities and anything that they know will get our attention, or speaking to a trusted loved one.
When I used to come home from school after a bad day or with something to complain about, my mom would say to me “now tell me 3 good things that happened to you today!” It drove me nuts but looking back now I obviously get it, ya know? Sometimes we feel like we need to just “be in it” and it annoys us when someone tells us to think positively. And when someone says that to you, it’s not that they don’t want to listen to you or allow you to vent. They’re acting from the best intentions and trying to help uplift you which will ultimately raise your vibration and begin to turn things around for you.
Life is a duality and we must have a balanced relationship with ourselves and the universe. We miss out on all the miracles life has in store for us when we’re in a rabbit hole of despair. Time is going to pass on by anyway and if we get to choose our emotional response and state of being on a momentary basis, shouldn’t we be a little more practical in empowering ourselves through the challenging times in order to feel as fulfilled as humanely possible during our time here?
Sit with this. Decide to be a little more patient, a little more forgiving, and a little more compassionate with yourself. And then lather, rinse, repeat tomorrow, and the day after, and then the next day, and keep going until it becomes second nature. And that my loves is self-mastery and keeps you in alignment with the ebb + flow of life. Love you X