A dear friend said something to me the other day that was so simple, yet so profound and has stayed with me. “Disease is the absence of perfection.” I’m sure if you were to sit and think about the topic of health right now, you can think of at least 1 person in your life, aside from yourself if it pertains to you, that if suffering from a chronic illness or disease that they were told was “incurable.”
I was one of those people. By now I hope most of you have rest my earlier post sharing my story about what led me to where I am now. A lot of it pertained to my physical health, which is of course connected to my energetic and emotional health. Well, I left something out. For many years, I struggled with a nerve disorder called vulvar vestibulitis, sometimes more commonly known as vulvodynia. Basically, an inflammatory disorder of the nerves at the opening of the vagina. How they diagnose it “officially” is with a Q-Tip test. They LIGHTLY touch the 4 nerves with a Q-Tip and if you suffer from this condition, you want to scream and jump off the table in pain. Most doctors have no explanation for this phenomenon, and while there is treatment, there’s no cure. At least no traditional cure.
When I was little, and I mean around the age of 5 or 6, I would wake up in the middle of the night with stabbing pains, down there. I didn’t know how to describe it, so I called it “the pushing problem.” It would cause me constant tears and so much pain for my parents watching me suffer and trying to figure out all they could to try to understand what was happening and help me. I honestly don’t remember seeing any traditional doctors for it at the time, but I do remember trying homeopathy which caused some relief. After a while, it seemed to just go away on its own
The next time I noticed the issue was in my early teens attempting to use a tampon. I couldn’t. Fast forward to my college years to when I became sexually active, and really realized there was a serious problem.
Most people who suffer from vulvodynia are in a constant burning pain and have to avoid wearing leggins and doing certain activities. For me, i was only triggered when the nerves were touched in some way. I can’t begin to tell you the excruciating pain sex caused me. For a while I tried to suffer through it because of embarrassment and wanting to please my partner, but inside I would be screaming and crying, and wishing it to be over. I went about 5 years staying abstinent. Many people who suffer with this condition also suffer from the bladder disorder I was struggling with at the time. Usually it’s the entire pelvic floor that’s weak. Point blank, you don’t feel like a normal, healthy, thriving woman, and honestly just hopeless. I tried all the treatments, including pelvic floor physical therapy, dialators to “stretch” the area, nerve blockers, anti-inflammatories, and botox shots INTO the actual nerves. That was definitely one of the worst experiences of my life! I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemy! The only thing I didn’t do was surgery, which most of the time is unsuccessful.
But just like my bladder issue, I refused to let anything stop me. I had to take things into my own hands. I wanted a healthy sex life like any other healthy woman and a long-lasting, thriving relationship with a husband one day. No woman should ever have to put numbing cream on her vagina before getting intimate. Lemme tell ya, def a mood killer! NOTHING was going to stop me!! And as I developed my spiritual practice and learned more and more about energy work and healing, I finally found answers here too.
When we’re told something is incurable, it’s simply because the answers- the root cause of something- not only haven’t been found yet, but because that person hasn’t asked enough questions, hasn’t looked deep enough, and hasn’t turned to non-traditional options. I mean just look at our physical bodies. We have this amazing system with amazing structures, with billions of nerves and cells that communicate with each other, our organs, tissues, etc. We have a natural circadian rhythm, brilliant communication keeping us breathing and our heart beating. It should stand to reason that our bodies have the knowledge and wherewithal to be able to heal itself naturally in every single regard. Just look at our skin when we cut ourselves. But sometimes wires can get crossed and that communication can go a little wonky. Don’t worry, that’s the proper medical definition 😉 As I often like to remind people, we are an eternal soul- made of energy- having a human experience. We are a multidimensional soul with multidimensional bodies. Within our physical bodies, the two most prominent are the emotional body and the etheric/energetic body (the same body that creates dysfunctional cords that we need to cut during energy work). These are the eternal bodies that incarnate with us. Energy can only change and transmute, never die. These bodies, connected to our soul and along with our soul are the ones that hold onto past memories, abuse, trauma, and pain. It’s why sometimes some people are born with certain disorders, some souls have it in their blueprint to experience various health abnormalities at a certain point in their lives, and sometimes during instances of trauma and shock during the physical incarnation like abuse or a car accident, certain areas of our bodies already holding onto past energetic blocks or stagnation can get triggered. And here is when it can get a little more gray. Often times, we choose our experiences if it’s for our ultimate soul growth or for that of another. This is why healing is never black and white! One protocol that works on one person may not work on another, except for energy work if it is for something we’re meant to heal. There is always a lesson to be had.
The only reason energy work will not be effective if their experience is related to how that soul has chosen to pass from this lifetime.
But back to my story. Through countless energy work sessions, intuitive readings, and past life regressions, I learned that I’ve experienced many, many lifetimes of sexual assault and rape – those I suffered from and those where I caused harm to others, therefore balancing karma, and feelings of disconnect within my soul from having a physical body and being a woman. This was not going to be an overnight process, but I was going to continue to peel back the layers and heal. I also learned that I chose what I was going to experience with my health here as Emily Pogany in order to heal them and ultimately be of service as a healer and teacher through energy work. All of my pain, suffering, discomfort, and hardship was to ultimately lead to, uncover, and reconnect me back to my life purpose and soul’s mission. It often takes finding our light by traversing through the dark.
Most of my work in this area was through forgiveness. Forgiving those who hurt me in the past, as well as asking for their forgiveness. I’ve had to do and continue to do chakra work and healing to keep those areas balanced. But the biggest piece which I have now finally and successfully healed, balanced, and made peace with under this Cancer new moon eclipse energy, is the connection to my femininity, womanhood, and sexual energy. I now honor myself as a woman and a sexual being. I chose to feel safe being a woman, and all that entails. I stopped blocking my sexual nature and energy and decided to see it and honor it for what it TRULY is – creative, LIFE FORCE energy. Although I obviously chose this lifetime and incarnation, there were aspects of my internal bodies (we have about 11) and soul that weren’t comfortable here. They didn’t feel safe here. If we’re really getting deep and woo-woo, being a human here on earth felt very traumatic to me. In my previous blog post, I talked about how I never really felt like I belonged here and all that encompassed. This most certainly was a part of it. But it took me truly going within, asking the proper questions, and being open to receiving the guidance I needed to re-balance myself on all levels and ultimately heal. And I did.
Don’t you see?! We are all healers in our own right and we all possess the tools within to heal, mind, body, and soul. A symptom is only just a message. At its core, our souls are whole, divine, and perfect. We are never broken. It knows what to do to do heal, and it takes moving out of our own way, our humanness, to let it do its thing. Our bodies also here what we think and say, so talk to it and kindly. Give your body permission to be led by your soul and higher-self in order to heal. Sometimes giving it that permission will unlock whatever resistance it’s been holding onto. Remind yourself that you are safe, and you are safe to heal. And only you have the power to make that decision for yourself, and OWN it.
If you’re someone with a chronic condition, choosing to simply “manage” it, it’s always brave when you choose to share your story. However, and forgive me, but how is it brave when you’re ignoring the messages your body is so desperately trying to convey to you?! We have the ability and capability to completely heal and transform our bodies. True healing is never finished until we get to the root of the symptom and understand the message.
Teaching a person to manage a chronic illness, disease, or condition is basically telling them to ignore the innate wisdom of their body and soul. How is it “light and love” if you’re withholding that truth? By withholding truth, you are essentially preventing another’s healing, fulfillment, and ultimate becoming. Stop tip-toeing around healing and wake up to the truth! Keep digging until you get the answer. It’s there. And we’re all gifted with intuition and the ability to communicate deep within through meditation and getting quiet. But sometimes when we’re “in it,” it takes reaching out to an energy healer for support in uncovering the foggy layers. I often say healing is like peeling back layers of an onion, or taking off layer by layer of clothing in the winter. Like Joey from Friends wearing all of Chandler’s clothes in The One Where No One’s Ready. And once something is cleared through energy work, that’s it. It’s gone. You no longer have to carry that with you for your next incarnation. If you clear something that was being carried within your lineage, you no longer pass it down through the next generation and the next one.
See what I’m sayin’ here? YOU, my love, are the cure. you just need to open up and allow yourself the connection and do the work.