Before we get into the meat and potatoes of this post, for those that don’t yet know what Soulcation is, it’s a beautiful wellness retreat in Tulum, Mexico created and led by Laina Caltagirone, my friend and spiritual life coach and manifestation teacher. I’ll link her info at the bottom of this post so you get learn more about her, her work, and this incredible experience.
Let me just start out by saying that I still can’t believe I pulled it all together and made this happen for myself! I can confidently say I did manifest this, although it could have been done in a more graceful and easy way, but more on that later. I honestly wasn’t sure I could get together the finances I needed, and stubbornly refused sharing a room. But alas, I refused to take no for an answer, stopped letting a lack mentality around money hinder me once again, frantically prayed for guidance and assistance to make it happen, and the universe provided for me as it always does.
Laina gave me a warning, which was that Tulum gives you exactly what you need. My mindset and intention for this retreat was to in fact find retreat from my recent monkey mind, prove to myself that I absolutely can manifest, create, and have whatever I wanted, and to restructure my businesses. Possibly even get inspired with some new ideas. I got all of that…and then some.
I want to first delve into the most important lesson I was faced with. And I’ll preface this by sharing that since an early age, I never really felt like I fit in. I never felt accepted, I was bullied, and was never included into cliques and groups. I had previously been to one other fitness retreat where exactly what I feared, did in fact manifest for myself. But I knew this was going to be different. I’ve since grown, continue to take responsibility for my inner environment knowing it creates my external experience, and knew the type of like-minded women this experience attracted. I was definitely still nervous, because ya know, I’m human, but as my mom always reminds me, “one step at a time.” Full of wise gems, that one.
The first night was beautiful and filled with so much excitement. Everyone was excited to connect with one another and the week ahead. Tulum is beautiful wellness hub. It’s a mix of jungle and beach and extremely eco-friendly/conscious. It’s almost like the Sedona of Mexico. Very spiritual and sensual as well. A place that truly connects you to nature, mother earth, and the divine feminine. The way the rooms are set up are like luxury tents with AC, big comfy beds, but outdoor bathrooms to shower under the stars which made you feel a part of the environment, but high-vibe, safe and comfortable. All our breakfasts and dinners were family-style, and we broke the ice going around the table answering soulful questions and sharing intentions. Every morning started with yoga led by another beautiful goddess of a soul and human, Miki Ash, followed by our soul chat led by Laina, breaking down the steps to powerful purposeful manifestation. I will admit I only made it to yoga 2x cause your girl here is not a morning person! Def something I’m still actively working on 😉
Both Miki and Laina took the time to connect on a deeper level with each and every person that was there individually which I can attest can sometimes make all the difference in one’s experience. Thank you to both of you angels <3
I knew this was a special place and I was surrounded with special women.
The second day started on the same token, but as the day progressed, I noticed some old patterns start to spark up. I was noticing that as hard as I was trying to get to know people, the only questions I was starting to be asked were about my business and life as a healer. Not much about who I, Emily, am as a person. I began feeling as though the cliques were forming. My previous excitement turned to fear and I began feeling secluded and excluded. I would sit down with a couple girls to join the conversation and I would either be ignored or they would get up to do something else.
I had to own the fact that I was creating my life experience, therefore creating these scenarios and situations for myself. These were stories I was telling myself and these were the same patterns I would play out in similar experiences with new groups of people, especially women for as long as I could remember. And my go-to had been, “well fuck it, maybe I really don’t belong here and I’ll just go off on my own until this thing is over. I shouldn’t have said or done that because now no one’s gonna like me. They’re judging me. I knew this would happen.” But this wasn’t supposed to happen. Not here, not anymore. I knew I needed to stop caring so much about what other people thought and focus more on how I want to feel and what I truly want to experience! And these feelings popped up all throughout the week, but instead of staying in that vibe and doing what I normally do, I shook things up and got the hell outta my comfort zone!
Using some of the tools I often teach my clients and in my own work, I immediately asked myself, “what is this mirroring within me?” Why do I feel this way? Which led me to the most important questions I had only ever previously touched upon: Do I FULLY love and accept myself and Do I value myself? You can take a guess at the answer my heart and soul quickly spewed back at me. I wasn’t and didn’t. How the hell is anyone else supposed to love, accept, and see me when I don’t fully hold that space for myself? We can’t fully love another unless we fully love ourselves. Those half-assed feelings lead to half-assed relationships. And who has time for that?!
I faced myself and did the work I needed to do to move through those feelings and limiting beliefs (and there was quite some work to be done), cried it out when needed, and got right back up to join the mix. I realized that most of how I was feeling were also just assumptions I was making, and they were assumptions I would jump to way too quickly because of past experiences and conditioning. It was not truth.
I was uncomfortable. These were new terrains I was crossing and new ways of being that I was all too ready for, but all the pain, attachment, and negativity I was holding onto and recreating needed to be felt one last time before saying goodbye for good. I also felt safe to share how I was feeling with the other girls who not only held space for me, but shared their own experiences and stories. I didn’t feel so alone anymore. I knew I wasn’t alone. We never are. I would normally bury these feelings in this regard for fear of feeling like a burden or a stick in the mud, but THIS was my opportunity to explore, to share, to heal, and release. It helped me to better hold space and love for these other people however way it was meant to come through me! And I’ll be honest, at the end, I did not click with everyone. AND THAT’S OK. Because all our relationships and connections are based on vibrations. We’re never going to vibe and connect with everyone, but we always will with who we’re meant to. And it’s beautiful. Not everyone is going to see you or accept you. But it is still your job to be kind and send love (if you feel called.) Which I did. For each and every one of the amazing goddesses I was surrounded by. We all crave love, acceptance, and kindness. It’s ok not to include everyone, but it is important not to purposefully cause someone else to feel excluded.
We’re all on our journeys and it’s going to look different for everyone. And we’re all here doing the best we can. Our paths all crossed for a reason and I am beyond grateful because it all serves a purpose. And I did come back to LA with some incredible new girlfriends, stronger relationships with the friends I already had, and a more wholesome, confident, and aware sense of self.
I was learning more about who I was, shining light on old ways of being I was unintentionally and unconsciously recreating, and stepping into a new way of being and embodying my truth. Lifting burdens off my shoulders that weren’t mine to carry anymore. I felt liberated, accepted, loved, supported, and more myself than I had previously experienced! I was also learning more about my body as I was healing some old stagnation with my physical health, which of course ties into to all the emotional components, because that’s just what happens with this work. And I’m still learning because it’s baby steps. That’s what this life experience is all about. We’re here to learn and embody all of who we are and all we came here to be! Honestly, if we’re not learning anymore, it means our time is up for this incarnation.
Tulum gave me more than I ever thought I needed, and even brought up what I thought was already healed. But it was also dependent on who I was sharing the experience with. It always works out like that. We will get various experiences based on who we’re with, where we are, and where we’re at on our path/journey. Stuff will come up regardless, but it’s also dependent on how open or how closed off you are. How aware, awake, and conscious you are at the time. We always get what we need when we’re ready for. And even if we feel like we may not be. The universe, our angels, and our soul knows.
Soulcation gave me the opportunity I needed to heal on so many levels and experience new enriching connections and relationships I had been craving. It was the gift that honestly keeps on giving as it’s been 2 days since I’ve been back and I’m continuing to heal and move through old conditioning, but it’s such a blessing.
I feel open, ready, and inspired to continue creating and designing the life that I was destined to live and that I KNOW is my divine birthright! My excitement has returned and grown 10-fold around being of service, aligning with those who need me, those who I need to share my heart and gifts with, and live a life full of zest, love, and purpose! I feel like I walked away from this experience knowing I did the best I could, shared all of me, and acted from a place of loving intention in order to make whatever impact I was meant to make. My head is held high and my heart is cracked wide open!
To learn more about Soulcation, or Laina and her work: http://lainacaltagirone.com/
To learn more about Miki: http://mikiash.com/